The rape, Gay recounts, left a void inside her, and she used food to fill that void. In the 'after' the reader watches Gay collapse into a traumatized shell of her former self. Throughout the book, Gay refers to her life in two parts: 'before' and 'after.' In the 'before,' Gay is a normal, if awkward, preteen girl from a loving family. For Gay, this journey began at age 12 when she was raped by a classmate and a group of his friends.